Written by Community Wellbeing Champion, Afzal Hadi, in January 2024.

In the space of emotional wellness, understanding and cultivating resilience is a process that might seem daunting to some. It often involves personal reflection, transformative experiences, and a commitment to self-discovery.

Jon Sim, a psychotherapist and professional counsellor with Holistic Psychotherapy Centre, and also one of our Community Wellbeing Champions, shares his story in this article, highlighting his poignant journey towards emotional wellbeing, offering insights and strategies that can resonate with anyone on a similar path. 

Jon was a well-seasoned finance professional who, after 13 years in the industry, found himself grappling with low motivation and emotional turmoil.

Despite a shift in role from regional headquarters with reduced responsibilities, the emotional struggle persisted.

“I thought the change in environment and responsibilities would help… but it didn’t. So I thought to myself, that perhaps, it wasn’t what was external that was affecting me," Jon shared.

An unassuming road trip, while driving home from Malaysia one day, opened an insight that began Jon’s journey to discovering himself.

He turned on the car radio for a little bit of entertainment on the long ride. Serendipitously, the radio host was doing an interview where the concept of being a ‘nice guy’ surfaced.

Nice guy. He didn’t feel comfortable hearing it, though he knew subconsciously that that was what was holding him back from moving forward. Thus, his journey began, exploring the intricacies of his personality through assessments and multiple conversations, and ultimately unveiling a natural inclination towards heart-centric professions like counselling and teaching. 

Jon’s professional journey reflected a nuanced interplay between personal values and career choices. Beyond work, he found that his personal relationships were taking a toll on him.

A misalignment of values in a relationship made cracks in his emotional stability, prompting Jon to confront the importance of clear communication and self-awareness. Still, it was not as easy for him to step away from what he and his partner felt ‘could be fixed’ instead.

The journey to overcome the "Mr. Nice Guy" persona involved constant self-reflection, challenging the narrative he projected to the world.

Wanting to fix things, he realised, was Jon playing “Mr. Nice Guy”. Yet, the difficulty of letting go was nowhere less painful.

“Many say that awareness is the first step. But to move from awareness to understanding, then to action… Action is where the power lies. But many are happy with just being aware. It helps, but it is not enough to change our lives.” says Jon.

Bringing in a marketing concept that is relevant to you, the reader, is the AIDA model.

Awareness is just the beginning. It only begins to take shape when there is an innate interest to do something about the Awareness, the depth or intensity of the Interest (Desire), before you take Action.

Question: What have you been aware of that you want to but have yet to take action on? At which level might you be stuck?

Jon emphasises the importance of embracing imperfections, both in oneself and in others. He contends that perfection is a moving yardstick influenced by evolving perspectives.

By being the best version of oneself and understanding others' imperfections, Jon believes individuals can foster healthier relationships – with others and more importantly, themselves.

He acknowledges that sometimes, letting go is the most constructive choice when relationships prove incompatible. 

Emotional Wellness and Healthy Relationships have to come hand in hand. In recent years, and for many years to come, this, he believes, will be the downfall of many relationship issues.

Relationships are a learning journey. Akin to parenting, it involves making sense of one's journey with another person. Jon stresses the need to iron out expectations in relationships, acknowledging that there is no perfect relationship; instead, it's about navigating the challenges together.

Jon draws a distinction between emotional wellness and emotional maturity.

Emotional maturity, he argues, is the ability to see the bigger picture through arguments and noticing how to navigate difficult conversations.

Emotional wellness is what allows the person to access maturity with ease. The more ‘well’ we are, the easier it is for us to practise maturity. It is easier to practise when things are going well. Our emotional wellness (and maturity) gets tested when things get shaky.

Jon explores how emotional resilience influences the community, emphasising the positive correlation between community involvement and mental health.

He cites a study by Eddy M Elmer, sharing that while loneliness persists, even in social settings, the authenticity of connections still plays a pivotal role in emotional well-being.

Jon distinguishes between physical loneliness and emotional loneliness, and how they are both important experiences to notice for ourselves. Having gone through tumultuous bouts of loneliness himself, he is now more conscious of when the feelings come and does what is needed to care for himself better – which is what he also does with the clients that he works with.

Jon underscores that emotional well-being comprises various parameters, including emotional resilience and loneliness, each requiring different attention at different times. It's a dynamic journey of understanding oneself, recognizing evolving needs in different seasons, and ultimately finding joy.

Jon wishes well for others embarking on their wellness journey — a journey that requires self-awareness, resilience, and a willingness to fight for what truly matters in their own life.

It is easy to be the nice guy, and it does help.

Your community is important. Your people are important. Your relationships are important.

The one common denominator is you.

Be well.

Reference :

Elmer, E. M., van Tilburg, T., & Fokkema, T. (2022). Minority stress and loneliness in a global sample of sexual minority adults: The roles of social anxiety, social inhibition, and community involvement. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 51(4), 2269–2298. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-021-02132-3